Developing Emotional Intelligence: 3 Step Strategy to Practice Self Control

1.    STOP – When you sense you’re being ‘triggered’ or know what your triggers are and want to interrupt the pattern so you’re not sucked into an emotional or ineffective response.

• Count to 10
  
• Take a drink of Water
• Relax your shoulders
• Place feet flat on floor
• Do the ABC’s backwards

• Write notes about anything
• Draft an email BUT Don’t send!
  
• Count backwards
  
• Take a walk – clear your mind before coming back to it
  

2.    FOCUS on breathing.  Get oxygen to the brain in order to function most effectively. 

• Get oxygen to the brain in order to function most effectively. 
• Consciously slow down your breathing and breathe deeply

3.    REFRAME the assumptions and REGAIN perspective.  Work to suspend judgment and keep from jumping to conclusions.  Be curious and move away from “right/wrong” thinking. Questions such as these will help:

• Is this threat real or imagined?
• Do I have all the information or did I assume things?
• What are the good intentions of this person?  
• Will this matter a year from now?

• Is this reaction helping me?
  
• What information am I missing?
• What assumptions should I check?  
• What is the impact I want to have?
  

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